Happy Easter!

Despite the mountains of chocolate I have scattered in various places around my house, today I will be commemorating Easter in a different way. Something on a bigger, grander, more important scale. Not even Jesus and his magical resurrection can touch this. 

For today.....I.....will be venturing outside......alone.

This second round for Bob-ness has brought with it a new and strange bout of surreal anxiety. I've never felt this before. I just don't want to leave my house. 

Dad came and took me out for lunch on Thursday, which was lovely and I felt safe with my cuddly papa bear with me.

I've had lots of lovely friends come to visit me (hence the chocolate!) and I can quite happily sit and laugh the afternoon away with them in the safety of my living room.

But the thought of taking the bins out ("I'll wait until it's dark") or sitting in my own garden fills me with dread.

What is this? I sound like a complete nutter! But heaven forbid I have to make conversation with a lovely neighbour, or listen to people having fun on their bikes or in the park. What if people are looking at me? They're probably judging me because I'm a lazy bum who hasn't been to work in 3 weeks and can't even keep her patio weed free.

And what makes it even stranger is that I can so freely talk about everything on social media, where everyone can judge and comment on my life. But actual face to face communication with the world? No thank you. I could preach about this technological way of life and it's effect on physical human connection...but I think I'm actually just a little sad and self conscious of my failing self.

But today I am snapping out of it. I'm up before 11, showered, doing my hair and face. I've even shaved my bloody legs for this event! (you're welcome neighbours). 

Today I will be sitting outside in the beautiful sunshine. Book in one hand, glass of wine in the other. Admiring my growing collection of weeds. Wish me luck!