The 7 month itch
Yesterday I was back at the hospital to see my oncologist for my 6 month check up (although it's much nearer 7 months, plus it works better for my blog title, so we'll go with 7). Where did that time go? It really has whizzed past, and we'll be at my 1 year clear before we know it! Although I've said that before, so let's not jinx it....
Only a 1 hour delay this time, but I wasn't nearly as nervous for this appointment. I guess because it was just a chat and an internal check up, at which I am rather the expert now. Feet together, knees apart, lie back and make small talk or hum a little tune. All in a day's work for this one.
A very pretty and friendly young nurse came to take me into a little room to be weighed before my appointment. It always makes me think of the races, where they weigh the horses before each race - "Weeeighed in, weeeighed in" bellowing over the speakers dotted throughout the grounds. I'm far from a prize filly, it just makes me do a little inside giggle.
I had my list of side effects and things I wanted to discuss with Dr. S. No sign of Nicky, my Macmillan nurse, who was caught up somewhere else in the hospital. I guess this is a positive sign? They can't be dealing me any big blows without her there, surely?
The doctor asked me how I'd been and I told her that, yeah, I'm doing alright thanks. Because really, I am!
She asked if I'd received her letter about the HRT, which I had.
She asked if I'd been to see my GP, which I had.
And she asked if I'd started the HRT, which I hadn't.
She was actually pretty cool about it, and she said that as I would only need to take it for 5 years-ish, it wouldn't make much difference if I took it now or a bit later, so I had time to look into it a bit more or look at alternatives. I questioned the 5 year bit, because she'd said similar to me at my 3 month check up, but when I said this to my GP he told me that was wrong and that I'd need to take it until a natural menopause age. Dr. S. explained it's about finding a balance between taking it for long enough that it helps protect my bones, but not for so long that it increases the risk of me getting breast or endometrial cancer. I think I'll go with the specialist oncologist on this one. The fact that the GP had to flick through a big book of drugs to find the right HRT probably means he isn't an expert on it (I know that GP's are just that - GENERAL practitioners, so they know a whole lot about a whole lot, but of course don't know all the ins and outs of absolutely everything. I'm not having a moan at him, but it's a good job I double checked that today, or I could have been popping those pills for years!).
My oncologist did admit that it was hard to give me any clear answers on when it was best to take HRT, if alternatives would be as effective or have the same risks, or how likely it was that I would even get osteoporosis, as my circumstances are pretty rare. I can't believe they're as rare as she makes out, what with cervical cancer being the most common cancer in women under 35, but apparently there isn't the research and therefore statistics on it for her to be able to give me decent advice.
For all the fun I have saying I'm a medical marvel, it's a bloody pain in the arse when you just want some answers.
She did suggest taking vitamin D and calcium supplements along side exercise to help keep my bones in good nick instead of HRT, so on doctors orders, that's what I'm going to do. At least for now, and if I do start to get any menopausal side effects in the future I can have a rethink.
We then went through my list of other side effects -
My back - apparently a lot of people who have had pelvic radiotherapy complain of back pain following treatment. The tomotherapy I had (being zapped while inside a giant spinning doughnut, rather than just from the top) is quite new but she said more people who have been through that are experiencing similar pain, so that's reassuring. Not that lots of us are in pain, but that it's not just me!
My stomach - I randomly get crampy, achey pains in my stomach. I think I've worked out that it's down to the bowel adhesions, left from all the scarring after my surgeries. The doctor agreed it was probably that, and when I showed her where the pain was, she told me that was where the sigmoid colon is - a part of the colon where congestion can happen. So that would explain the cramp feeling there - a big old yucky blockage trying to make it's way through a skanky, scarry bowel. Oh Kate, you sexy minx.
She had a poke and prod of my stomach and said it all felt normal, so she wasn't worried about my tummy pains either. You could even say she poo-pooed them... (Oh God, it's come down to toilet humour). She did comment on how many scars I have, like she was surprised. 4 surgeries will do that to you, my dear!
My buttock - I bame the GP for this one. He told me any new back pains, like moving in to the buttock, are the ones I should look out for. And strangely enough, the last week or so I've had a pain in my left cheek and upper thigh. The doctor didn't have much to say on this one, but I think that was more because I'd immediately talked myself out of it (blaming the GP, and the way I sit straining the muscle because I can't bend the other way) rather than her being concerned and not saying anything. It does feel like I've pulled it, although I'm not sure sitting on my arse would have caused that.
My sleep - although it has got much better than the 3 or 4 times I was getting up in the night during and just after my treatment, I don't think I've had one solid night's sleep since then, and waking up around half 2 is a regular occurence. We talked about it being my body's new routine, or that I might just need the loo at that time!
But she did say it could also be anxiety, and that Nicky could look into counselling for me if I thought that might help. It wasn't something I'd really thought about, but night time is definitely the worst time for my panics to set in. And although they've got much better too, when they hit, they REALLY hit. Having to sit up and take deep breaths, holding my chest and opeing my eyes wide enough that I can see as much of the real world as possible and not the scary nightmare one my brain is living in. Having to talk myself round with logic - it only came back before because they didn't do any preventative treatment. This time they did surgery for what they could see AND chemo and radio. If there was anything hiding there, they've got it. And my case is so rare, that website that said cervical cancer patients who's cancer moves to the ovary have a near 0% chance of survival over 5 years doesn't apply to me. It can't do.
My MRI - at my last appointment, Dad and I both pressed for a follow up MRI to be part of my check up schedule, and seeing as I hadn't heard anything about one before this meeting, it was part of my check list to bring it up and push for it again. But come the end of my list of side effects, Dr. S. had already said that we were going to do MRI's going forward, so let's do one a little earlier now just to double check all these side effects are normal and to help put my mind at ease. Brilliant.
Where was this happy, breezy doctor at my last appointment? Maybe it wasn't her at all, but it was all in my head that she was being negative. Maybe I'd been so ready to hear bad news that even when it was the best news possible, my brain was stuck on some kind of self destruct mode. You bloody idiot Kate.
The appointment ended with a little look-see at my lady bits - standard.
Dr. S. realised we didn't have a gynaecology cart a little too late. There I was on the bed, legs akimbo with nothing but one of those pointess modesty sheets over my froo froo and the sun shining in on it through the misty window. Cue the akward conversation while the pretty nurse dashes off to find a cart. "So, er, have you looked into HRT much?". She might as well have asked if I come here often.
One cart later, the gloves are on, the lube is out and we're off. Lots of scarring, which she pulled apart with her bare hands (I mean, gloved of course, but no tools required). That was pretty painful and uncomfortable. She then used a speculum to have a look at my cervix, which she THINKS she found. Oh how we all awkwardly laughed at her use of 'think'. Apparently it was good and 'irradiated' (oh Dr. S, behave) and the radiotherapy had flattened it, so it was harder to make out than if it had been a normal, sticky outy, bouncy kind of cervix. Whatever, just stop pulling at it!
I was sent away with instructions to keep using my dilators but try and use them higher up (no idea how!) to stop the scar tissue sticking together again, as this will not only shorten my vagina and make it less fun for the sexy times, but more importanly (to her at least) will make it much harder to find my cervix during future check ups and make them more uncomfortable. She told me that some patients find it so painful she can't even do an internal exam anymore. Back to the dilators it is then!
Cleaned up, knickers on and off we went with my MRI request form in hand, ready to give to the receptionist. A bloody brilliant appointment compared to my last one! So much so, Steve and I high fived and hugged in the hall way and I didn't even care that the gaggle of nurses outside our door were looking.
Now I'm just waiting for my MRI appointment, which should be in the next 6 weeks, and the follow up to that in around 8 weeks to get the results. Now I can crack on with finally signing up to the gym and getting back on the diet (I lost a stone in January, but February has so far been a write off), ready to get fit and healthy...and look half decent as a bridesmaid this April!
Today we're off to London see the shows I got as a Christmas present from the boy. We're off to see the Book of Mormon again, which we both loved but the last time we went was the same day as being told I had a suspicious something on my ovary, so I'm not sure I was completely with it. But a year on, knowing all the songs off by heart, we can go and enjoy it, knowing I'm OK. I can even laugh at the cancer lyrics without feeling sick this time. Bloody cancer, ruining my fun.
I haven't felt this chipper in ages. Well done body, keep it up! x