Well 2017, it's been emotional...
So here it is. New Years Eve 2017.
Another year ticked off the list. Another year that I managed to claw my way out of. Alive.
I could very easily turn this final blog of the year into a negative rant about what a rotten year it's been and how horrible a time I've had. Both of which I think I could probably get away with. But seeing as my last post was a pretty miserable entry, I couldn't finish 2017 without a little bit of cheer. In fact, a whole lot of cheer! Because despite the fact that Bob hi-jacked most of the year, there have been some incredible highlights in between. And looking back through all the photos of my wonderful, silly friends and family I am once again reminded that I am so, SO lucky.
(Just a quick follow up to my previous post before we get on to the good stuff - I spent a week genuinely feeling like I was a goner. I upset my Mum because I was so down, which I feel bloody awful for, and couldn't snap out of the sadness I felt. But enough was enough and I finally signed up to the Jo's Trust forum and put out a message to see if anyone was feeling the same way and what to do. Amazingly, a woman replied who had a near identical story to mine - same staging, same surgery, same time frame between that and her recurrence, which was a single tumour on her ovary. And an oncologist who told her that if he were a betting man, the cancer would be back. What is wrong with these bloody doctors?! But she has been clear for 2 years now. So that was a huge comfort. A real life person who did actually understand what I was going through, and with a happy ending. Hooray!
I also sent a long rambling email to my MacMillan nurse, basically summarising everything I moaned about on here. She instantly called me and put my mind at ease. In not so many words, she understood what I was saying about the oncologist's tone and that doctors aren't always the best with the people side of things. They aren't expecting Bob to come back, despite the lack of statistics for my situation, and there are definitely treatments they could try if he does show his ugly head again. They just don't have a plan 3 in place yet as they don't know what to expect. If anything at all is worrying me, I'm to see my GP or speak to them at the hospital and if they're concerned I will be sent for an MRI straight away.
Immediately following this call, and knowing that lovely forum lady is living proof I can kick Bob's arse, a huge weight lifted. I can't explain the instant change in how I felt, but the difference was amazing. I can't believe I wasted a whole week thinking I was going to die, just because of one woman's wording. Grrr! But never mind, that's done now and I feel positive about the future.
I am much more aware of my body, and my lower back still aches from time to time. I am definitely menopausal, as proved by a recent blood test, so that's definitely no babies. (opening that letter on Christmas Eve was a bit of a downer, despite knowing it was coming.) So off to the doctor in the new year to sort out some HRT and hopefully calm the hot flushes and increasing man hair growth...although a thick bushy beard would save on the cost of foundation I guess. Every cloud, eh!)
So here we go....time for the photos!
*I turned 30 this year!! Something I wasn't really looking forward to, because it meant I was officially OLD! But I had a brilliantly fun 80's themed fancy dress party with some of my absolute faves. We danced, posed, re-enacted the Lion King (sadly no photo evidence, but I love the memories of prancing about like a gazelle while dressed like Jessica Rabbit) and hit the town for more drinks....apparently.
*The boy took me to Paris....and to DISNEYLAND!!
* We finally got to see The Book Of Mormon. Hilarious. Go and see it!
*The boy moved in <3 (Side note - I did not realise how house proud I was until a messy boy came to stay. He has so many good qualities, I love him madly and he has been the most amazing man to opt in to all of my madness, but ohmygodclearupyourshit!!)
*I was asked to be this gorgeous lady's Maid Of Honour. God bless and good luck to her, because she knows I am not the organised one. And my brain is now even worse since treatment. (Thank God she told me to stop collecting empty wine bottles for her centrepieces after she'd changed her mind....because I had completely forgotten that conversation and had, up until that point, collected zero!!) But I will rock up and cry throughout the ceremony, just like I did for my other bestie. I cannot wait!
* We became obsessed with Escape Rooms, and have done about a million (give or take).
* Luckily my treatment schedule fell just right and we were able to go to Krakow and see Aerosmith. Poland is beautiful, the band was amazing and it was the perfect break before everything kicked off.
* After missing them while we were in Las Vegas a few years ago, the famalam and I got to see Penn and Teller in London. They were brilliant...and I still have my magic playing card, Mum and Dad! Maybe it's a lucky charm??
* Our dear friends Viv and Sophie came to visit, with scrummy baby Jacob! We paddled in the sea and ate ice creams. Perfection!
* After years of saying 'we will, we will', Dad and I went to see a 20:20 match. On one of the hottest days of the summer. This sweaty mess loved it. (despite my neck looking like an elephant's trunk! Not my best angle, apparently.)
* My brother's cat had kittens the night I finished my radiotherapy. And a couple of months later, we got to bring one home. Meg started as a She, turned out to be a He and has brought a whole new level of madness to the house. He and Clarence are finally getting along and my status as Crazy Cat Lady is now official. And I am proud.
* I proudly watched my lovely big brother cut off his Jesus-style hair for MacMillan's brave the shave, and raise over £200. He loved that long hair and I couldn't be more proud of him.
* The family and I took part in the first "Marsden Mysteries" - a treasure hunt around London to raise money for the Royal Marsden hospital. Such good fun, we'll be back next year!
* Spent a couple of very silly evenings having far too much wine with these gorgeous people. I do miss working with you both, and I'm so glad we still get to see each other. More of this in 2018 please! (I chose not to include the photo of your tummy Mark. I hope you're not offended. I love it and have saved it for my own private collection. Honest.)
* We finally played the Crystal Maze! Having rearranged the date twice, Steve, Dale and I had the best time winning those crystals! Such good fun, go go go!
* The boy and I had a well earned week of laziness in sunny Spain. The pool, endless beer and sangria and just the right amount of heat. Perfect and very much needed! (and deserved for Steve, who had put up with so much with me, and gone through his own stresses of moving and starting a new job. I cannot stress enough how fabulous this man is. The laid back to my worried, the calm to my frantic, the messy to my tidy....wait....)
* We had a lovely, busy weekend away in Manchester watching Sale play rugby (2018 resolution - learn what is actually going on rather than just looking at tight bottoms and thick thighs. Good Lord, those thighs!) before spending our first Christmas together, with both of our lovely families (including my cousin Jonny who flew all the way from Canada!). I was very, VERY spoilt and got everything I'd ask Santa for and more. My friends and family know me so well.
*And the final weekend of the year was spent celebrating. Firstly, Steve's Dad's 60th birthday - me with a good boogy and Steve with an exorcist style vomit at 4am (I must really love him to have cleaned that up while he snored away. Don't think you're getting away with it Golden, I'll return the favour one day I'm sure!).
Secondly, the gorgeous wedding of my lovely chum Matt and his beautiful bride Becky. It was so nice to see all of my old friends, some of whom are scattered around the country and I only get to catch up with at such events. (Second resolution for 2018 - try and arrange more of these meet ups. We're running out of weddings!)
So that's my happy 2017 in just a few bullet points and photos. There were so many lovely moments in between - lots of lovely play dates with my beautiful bestie Kayleigh and the scrummy Rory, lots of fun visits from Steve's gorgeous daughter Macie and of course lots of shows of love and support from all my many friends and family, far and wide.
And of course, I am ending the year cancer free. No sign of Bob. And eggs on ice. It doesn't get any better than that.
So 2017. You've been a bitch. You've flipped my world upside down, torn it apart and built it up to look completely different. You've taken more than you've given. But you've been bloody marvellous too.
When you hand over at midnight, would you mind passing on to 2018 that I'd really like a quiet one this year. A year where I can get back to the gym and lose these 2 stones I've piled on. A year where my scars, as well as my new firework display of stretch marks, have a chance to settle down and fade. A year where I can get back to work full time and start paying off that credit card I relied on this summer. And a year where I can finally get my head around the last 2 years. All while having a hot flush.
Can you tell 2018 that I really won't complain when I'm bored because nothing exciting is going on. And I won't take for granted the days that my back doesn't ache or a strange pang doesn't scare me into thinking Bob is back. And definitely let it know that I'm not finished yet. There's so much I want to get ticked off life's to-do list and if it could just let me reach New Years Eve 2018 without any more silly cancer, that would be a great help.
Happy New Year everyone. I love you all, and hope you've all had an amazing 2017. Thank you to each and every one of you who have helped make this year wonderful.
Love each other, take care of each other, don't sweat the small stuff. And go for your smear tests.
Signing off for another year,
Kate xxxxxx